Spring and open doors

Sunshine, green, frisbee, flowers, warm weather....I'm ready for it. lots of things are stirring in me as I go throughout my day. I'm learning that daily surrender comes with challenges...even to the extent that I don't know how to surrender. But I'm learning and I'm growing and I'm trying to surrender and let God place other things in my hands. surrender fear of rejection for God's unfailing love. Surrender the fear of who I used to be for redemption that allows me to belong to Christ. I long to live a life free from myself, yet I know that it's a process and something that my sister said in a blog was to embrace those things that seem hideous to me, as part of who I am. I have recently had a friend that has been pointing out certain things about me and it kinda hurts in a way....and part of me wants to change those things...but then i wonder if they're ok and I should just embrace them. who knows....so my thoughts are really random because my mind is swarming with many thoughts and I'm just picking and choosing. I was reading something the other day and it talked about open and closed doors and how sometimes we're SO busy staring at the closed door that we fail to see another door open. I get this vivid picture in my mind of me reaching so hard at this one door and just as I get within reach of the handle it slams and locks. As the sound of the slam rings in my ear I let out a loud "NOOOOO." I collapse on the ground and begin to frantically look for keys to open the door. None of the keys work and I'm devastated as I see no way of getting the door open. It is in this devastation that I happen to glance to the side to see an open door waiting for me to walk through. So many times I feel that I try to control and open doors that weren't meant to be open. I'm learning though that it only brings pain and frustration. I want to look for those open doors like I look for Springtime to come.